hurray, I'm not dead!

Well the past few weeks have been pretty miserable. I got a cold my last day in Vegas and I was OK but not great for the next few days, and then around Thursday night a few weeks ago I just tanked and have been literally in bed all the time since then. Because I wasn't playing nearly as much, I started to think about all the problems I've been having when I have played and wrote down a bunch of adjustments to try. I got a few thousand more hands in after being sick, and as you can see, my strategy did not work AT ALL. The point where my red line starts to uncontrollably tank is the point where I started to try some of these new moves, and clearly they didn't work! I thought I could adjust to the aggro regs by getting even more aggro, but obviously the risk/reward ratio wasn't there, so now I know the right adjustment is just to tighten back up and play more straightforward. Everybody is playing now how I used to play six months ago, so none of “my moves” work anymore and I just need to buckle down and play tighter, and get paid because none of the regs will believe me.

Also, after talking with a friend a while back about this, and after being bed-ridden for the past few weeks, I've decided I can't make enough money playing online to support myself. I just can't put in enough hands that are my A game. I never had nearly as much trouble with consistency in my play as I have had when I am trying to make myself play as opposed to when I just play for fun and love of the game. If I am going to make a living off of poker, I need to play higher levels, because I simply can't put in the quality of play or the sheer number of hands required to make it at the level I'm currently at. And in order to play at those levels, I need at least another twenty grand! So for now, I am going to play when I want, which may be a lot or a little, and try to figure out WTF to do...

Of course now I am back to square one, and I had been looking for a job for about 15 months before I found the only job I could get! So I'm at a loss for what to do. I'm exceedingly frustrated because I really just want to be self-sustaining, and I think I have a lot of very useful knowledge and ability, but I can't seem to find anybody else who thinks it's worthwhile without on-the-clock experience. My mom has suggested I apply for grad school in Vegas, and that seems like an OK idea and it would get me back in Vegas. But it also just seems like it's simply putting off my problems. Now if there was a way to put off my problems for about 70 years, I'd be all for it, but when they come back in just a few years, and possibly with student loan debt, that to me seems unwise—but then again, I've always been too scared to do anything.

Also, I got a ticket yesterday for going 33 in a 25 zone (which I thought was a 30 zone). I'm not saying I actually was going 33, but that's what the ticket says. I am going to contest the ticket in court, since statistically over half the time the officers don't show up in court, which means the state cannot prove with a “preponderance of evidence” (i.e. the officer's testimony) that I was speeding, and the fine is dropped. I also found a free ebook and a bunch of websites with various ways of increasing your chances. If, for example, I can somehow get my court date between Christmas and New Years, there's even less of a chance he'll be there. Normally, I would just pay the fine and let it go, but I truly feel a sense of inequity with this particular ticket and, as you have read above, I have nothing better to do with my time, apparently—and of course my official reason of I wasn't actually speeding.

So I'm a bit depressed and in a bit of a foul mood, but at least I feel somewhat awake for the first time in two weeks, and my throat doesn't make me want to kill myself whenever I talk or swallow. And that's not nothing! As far as poker goes, you can see I lost about $250 in my actual online play, but thanks to rakeback, a sit-n-go that I played and got second in, and a friend's home game that I won twenty bucks at, I'm only down $40 for the past few weeks. Of course, add that to the 300 I was down after my Vegas trip, and the seven hundred I was up before that trip, I'm up a whopping $300 in the past two months.

Rolling in money, obviously.

Also, my dad and step mom left for a 3 month vacation two days ago, and I hadn't seen either of them in about a month. I really wanted to see my dad before they left, but understandably they didn't want to catch the horrible cold I had while they were out of the country, which is already a big stress on one's system.

So, here's my stats. The first four thousand hands I played in the space of two or three days right after I got back from Vegas, and the rest of it was spread out over the past week and a half while I've been sick. You can see my brilliant new adjustments in the nice red line curve that starts at about hand 5500. I changed up my game because I was doing poorly, but as I can clearly see from hand 4000 to hand 5500 I was actually playing OK and just losing a lot of showdown pots, which is generally just bad luck although I could have a giant fundamental leak that's popped up, so I think I was unnecessarily adjusting, and that I really just need to buckle down and tighten up, and just play better cards in the spots where the regs are going to have much wider ranges.

-Max


.

had fun in vegas

Well I went to Vegas this past week and had a really great time. A poker friend of mine up here in Seattle sat through a Time Share presentation to get free tickets, and I slept on my friend Demetria's couch, so all and all, it was a lot cheaper than most Vegas trips. I hung out with my friend Jon a lot, and got to see Demetria when she wasn't working or at school, and I went to see some friends from my college days who are still good friends and really fun to hang out with. I played poker much less than I had hoped because my friend Jon took a bunch of days off work for my arrival and I couldn't very well just leave him be when he took the day off specifically for me! It really was great though to spend time with all my friends down there.

But I did get get in about 8 hours of live play total for week. The first five were at Bally's because that was the easiest place to get to when I was getting a ride to the strip and I didn't feel like walking anywhere else. They had a $65 tourney at 11a.m. which I busted out of, but played really well. The blinds go up somewhat fast but mainly you just don't get many chips to start with, so after about 45 minutes, it's a shove/fold fest for about 3/4 of the players. And they were HORRIBLE at it. I got all in 7 times, 6 as a 2:1 favorite or better, and once as a tie (KQs vs. KQs). I split twice, won once, and lost 4 times. And the guys who were calling were shorties too. The SB for example called off his stack with K8o. And I saw them doing this earlier, so I wasn't shoving very light, just waiting for an above average decent hand like AT or 66 or something half way reasonable (it was a full table), and then just shove once or twice a round. For as light as they were calling, I did manage to pick up the blinds quite often, which is why I was able to get in 7 times and lose so often and still be in it to shove again. Alas I finally busted my AJ against an A3 that hit a wheel. Oh well.

I then played in the 1/2 game that was soooooo easy. It was SOOOOO easy. These guys were loose, passive, horrible at post flop play, and played dominated hands and junk hands preflop as often as possible. Most good regs at a game like that would just tighten up and get their good hands paid, but I decided to just abuse position, since the three OK but way too tight (and scared of me) players were directly on my left—so I had the button 2-5 times per round, and just abused the fish every single hand. They knew I was playing too loose but they had no idea what to do about it, so they just called down light. This of course means that the “reciprocal value” of the game is HUGE. By “reciprocal value” I mean that if our hole cards and positions are switched, I make much more and lose much less than they do in that same spot with those cards. I played for about three hours, won no more than $100 in a single hand, and swung between $200 and $500 up most of the session, finally cashing out $250 ahead in the game. The other poker I played, was about 3-4 hours at my old favorite hot spot, the MGM 2/5 NL game. I didn't buy in short, but I wasn't going to reload either, since playing in this game was already a bit of a “shot” given my current roll. I lost two medium pots and about a fifth of a stack from calling PFR's with a pocket pair, not setting, and not being able to steal. However, even though I lost, the game was very very soft—I just happen to not run too well. The only hand I won was a preflop re-steal. 9 handed, UTG (awful, likes to raise to ten and fold a lot) opens for a min-raise to $10, one call, an OK reg re-raises to $35 (small to isolate but not commit too much—i.e. has a wide range of mostly mediocre cards and almost never a great hand), call, call, I re-raise to $140 with 94o, fold, fold, fold, fold, fold, fold, fold, fold.

The next hand of interested was with AJo against a bad player who has the wonderful and obvious tell of “bet size equals hand strength”. He limps, it (surprisingly) folds to me in the HJ+1 (MP??) and I make it $25 to go. An OK player OTB calls, as does the fish. Flop is Ad 6h 2d. The fish bets $25, about 30% pot, so instantly I know he's got a weak ace or a flush draw. I very seriously considered raising there, but I felt that the player OTB would be more tempted to ship me if I raised than if I flatted, and since I had such a good idea of where I was at with the fish, I decided it would be better overall to see what the good player did and wait till the turn to raise the fish. So I called the small bet, and thankfully the player OTB folded. Turn was a 3c, and the fish again bet $25. I raised him another $125 to $150 total, which I thought was right on the line between what he would call and what he wouldn't—the perfect amount! He tanked and tanked, and finally called. The turn was the 9c, and he grabbed for his chips, but then looked at me and checked. I was confused, and I couldn't figure out what was going on, and even thouhg I was fairly sure I was ahead, I didn't think he'd call a river bet with a worse ace (or a flush draw) and a bet would have to be my entire stack just about, unless I make a suck bet, which is certainly do-able. But since I didn't think I'd get called by worse, I checked, and he turned over the reason why he flinched on the 9c river, he had A9o. And now I feel like I'm going to throw up...

The next hand came shortly after the AJ when I had a little less than half a buy in in front of me with black tens. A bad player made it $15 UTG, another bad player called, and I made it $55 with my tens. That way, I can easily get my half stack in on the right flop, but I can also give up without much thought if AJ7 flops and they bet. All fold except those two bad players, so I have position. The beautiful 7s4c2s flops, and BP1 (bad player #1) bets about $30. BP2 who has about the same stack I do, shoves. Though I'm slightly worried and not thrilled, I shove too. BP1 tanks and calls, having us both covered. BP2 was on a steal and turned over Ah6h, BP1 had Ac5c for a backdoor flush draw, gutshot, and they both thought they had 3 aces. So we're all all-in, and the turn is a wonderful Jh, but the river is a 3c giving BP1 a wheel and the pot. And now I feel like I'm going to throw up...

So even though poker-wise, for the trip, I'm down $315 for the week, that was because I happened to get unlucky during my shot at the “big game”, and I really feel like I just raped the games while I played. I think I have ginormous (I'm declaring “ginormous” a word.) equity in that tournament I played in, I killed the 1/2 game, and played in a 2/5 game where I was able to magically make a $750 with TT on the flop and have 70% equity in it WITH TWO OTHER PLAYERS IN.

((0.7*750)/250 – 1 = 1.1)

So it's basically 110% ROI on the hand, well actually probably a little less since some money went in preflop when I was only about 63% equity. Still, that TT hand makes more money than getting AA in against any hand preflop makes HU. (It's a wash between TT postflop three-way in the spot above and AA preflop three-way against random hands—the two spots have roughly the same equity.)

The most interesting thing that I found for the week was how I felt when I was in Vegas. Before I left, I was super excited, and of course I was anxious like I always am, but when I got to Vegas, I was just completely calm. I wasn't overly happy or excited; it was like I had taken Prozac. I was just mildly happy and completely relaxed and felt like I had no worries in the world, which was a very surprising feeling, both in that it's not how I thought I would feel and in that I didn't realize until then just how worked up and crazy I've gotten since I moved back to Seattle! So even though I wasn't jumping for joy when I got to Vegas, I am still very sure (more sure, now) that moving back there is the right thing for me to do. It's not that it's the most wonderful place on Earth, it's just that it's my home, and I feel like I'm in the right place when I'm there.

So the next few months, I'm going to grind grind grind online and see if I can get enough to move down there. It was truly relaxing to be there and great to have friends close by. More updates next week...

-Max

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yay I'm going to Vegas!

Well there were some goods and some bads about this last week poker-wise. The goods were that I put in two different sessions of about a thousand hands each, during which I played 8 tables. I played well and did not feel rushed or bothered by the number of tables, so I'm optimistic that I've finally worked my way up to being to 8-table comfortably, although I (obviously) don't have tons of experience at it, yet.

The bads were that during the few shorter sessions I had, I think I played miserably! All and all, this week I think I made three AWFUL call-offs of my stack, for a total of about $250 that I shouldn't have lost in those short sessions. I also ran poorly in the week overall, both in terms of losing all my flips and in terms of people having the top of their range in spots where they have a fairly wide set of hands, and so many of my re-steals failed. It is conceivable that they are just getting more aggressive and 5bet bluffing and 3bet bluffing the flop or shove-bluffing the turn, but given my history with these players and my history at 0.50/1 in general, in fairly confident that they were just showing up with hands in spots where their stats say they won't be very often.

So given how poorly the week went, and even though I didn't play much (given that two sessions represent about 2K of the hands), the fact that I'm still up a little over a buy in after all that makes me all the more confident that the games are as easy as I tend to think they are.

I'm leaving for Vegas in about a half hour, and I can't wait! I'm very much looking forward to seeing my friends, going to the weekly poker meetings, and playing poker live in an actual casino for the first time in a while. Given how much I crushed the live games before I started learning to beat online, I am interested in seeing how much easier the live games will be now! Perhaps an Angel Largay winrate of 20-30 blinds an hour is within reach!! I guess I'll find out, that is if I don't spend all my time hanging out with friends...

In other news, I got a very kind letter from the IRS saying that if I didn't give them $3,700 within the next month, I would be fined even more and they would come to collect. As it turns out, my 2006 tax return failed to mention about twenty grand in stock sales! This was news to me! In reality, all that had happened was I didn't know about some stock my parents had in my name and had cashed out to help pay for college. I also hadn't been able to get the W2 from dealing at the WSOP that year, so I made a rough guess on my taxes and didn't mention anything about the stocks that I didn't know about! And somehow the IRS didn't accept my return... go figure!

Given that I grossly underestimated how much I'd already paid in taxes form my wages (I got my W2 this past week, after many calls to the Rio.) and the cost basis from the stocks sold, Turbo Tax told me that I owed the IRS an additional $1. So I filled out my amended return, attached a check to the US Treasury for $1, and also attached a letter explaining that the check was not a joke! I of course also included copies of the statements from the stock sales and my W2, so they will see that the math adds up, but I thought it was quite funny that I was so close on my original return given that I left so much out and just guessed. It was all true to the best of my knowledge! I just didn't have any knowledge!

In the future, I'll have to make sure I don't miss anything—this was too much of a scare and a hassle to do more than once per year!

Next week I'll have updates on my trip to Vegas.





-Max

Winner!

Well that was at least the major victory that even though I thought it was likely, I still had fears in my stomach that it wouldn't happen. I was (am...) very ready to pack up and move to Sweden, or possibly Australia now that the AUS$ has fallen so much do to the mistakes of the USA, and is affordable to live in for somebody on my very low budget.

I had three other concerns this election, which do not look to be panning out well, but the happiness over a competent, smart, able, and inspiring President is dwarfing those at the moment. They are California's Proposition 8: the ban on human rights to happiness (similar to what Nevada did in -- either '02 or '04, I forget which year), Al Franken's race for the Minnesota Senate, and Washington State Initiative 1000: the right to choose how you're going to die if you're going to die soon anyway.

With 48% precincts in, it's not looking good for gays in California to the tune of 53% to 47%. With 95% precincts in, Al Franken is 1500 votes behind incumbent Norm Coleman, with a tie at 42% a piece. Franken needs to get these last votes to win it, and I'm hoping he does; he's a good and decent person with a proper perspective, and he has the ability and the will-power to get shit done. (Edit: I just checked before I'm off to bed, and it looks like California has officially regressed to pre-enlightenment thinking. Also, with 98% precincts in, Al Franken has pulled ahead by about 950 votes. But those last 2% are worth a lot, since Franken's lead is less than 0.09%. It's a dead heat, I will certainly have to check it when I get up tomorrow... Now off to bed! ) (Edit 2: With all 3 million votes in, Al Franken is behind by about 500. Coleman, his opponent has not officially won yet, as a recount is obviously being done. It's not looking good for Al Franken, but we can hope!)

And finally, good news for those with less than 6 months to live!... You can end the pain earlier if you'd like, thanks to 58% of Washingtonians.

On the poker front, I've been playing SNG's a lot still, but I've managed to get in a few hands of cash game play. And if play cash regularly again, I can save some money thanks to a CardRunners promotion--they are giving away free membership months simply for earning Full Tilt points, with no strings attached.

I posted a graph below my stats which is a graph of my total winnings (green line), my profits from hands that went to showdown (blue line), and the money from hands that did not get shown (red line). I'm not spectacular at post flop play, but I'm practicing, and I can see how just a little better postflop play can REALLY increase profits, because you get better at winning the small pots, and they come up often, so even a small extra edge in them is worth quite a lot. I also have found once again, despite my big loss at it earlier, that 0.50-1 NL games are easier for me than 0.25-0.50 games online. 50NL is much more straightforward and you just have to grind and play more solid than the next guy, and make some moves in the right spot. 100NL OTOH, everybody is making moves on everybody else, so you get a lot of light 3betting and lots of floating and flop raising, and all the standard "steal" moves that are the first deviations one makes from ABC play at 6-max games. So by identifying which spots are more likely steal spots and by having stats on players (read: datamining), I can make a ton of light 4bets preflop, light flats in position, floats for my stack, and other moves that may cost a lot, but work such a high percentage of the time that they are more than worth it.

It will be really interesting if I ever hit 1-2 because based on what I've watched, they are again one level up, and can spot the 4bet re-steals, so you get people who are 5bet shoving with a range of KK+, AK, 65-98, 84o, A3s, A5o and maybe some other random garbage in there, so they are far less exploitable in the direct 4bet re-steal sense.

Before I move up there, I'll have to figure out how to counter them. The first things that come to mind are 3 and 4-bet less, and 3 and 4-bet larger, make open-raises smaller, ship (or re-raise a committing amount) any and all (half way decent) draws on the flop to a raise that is likely a steal, prefer bet/raise-folding the turn and (less frequently) the river over calling down light like I can (and do) to players now. But we'll see what happens. I'll datamine and watch the games for a bit, and if I ever get the roll or feel frisky one night, I'll see how I do.

Sp here's my stats, my graph, and a picture of a place I dearly miss and am heading to next Tuesday!









-Max

feeling good, but still wondering WTF to do

It's been a somewhat stressful few weeks, but they've been significantly better than a lot of recent times, so I'm feeling pretty good about everything. They had a rocky start a week and a half ago when my dad told me that he had told my step-mom about this blog. She is a good person, but she is also somebody who will never ever, not ever, never see poker in any kind of positive context. Gambling is wrong, poker is gambling, ergo poker is bad. Trying to explain it or doing anything else to change her mind about that is a complete waste of time, and add onto everything the fact that she and I have never gotten along all that well (although we seem to do just fine recently) makes it all the worse. I really don't need/want her in my hair (or in my dad's for that matter!) about how horrible gambling is. Her response when I told my dad that I had made a few thousand dollars bonus-hustling non-poker casinos online (back before you had to wager 40x to clear the damned thing) was to cut me off financially and watch my bank account like a hawk. (Nevermind that they now finally have as much in the stock market as they did 12 years ago—I'm not sure if that's a low blow mentioning it; it's not supposed to be—it's just supposed to be an example of how most things involve some sort of gamble, even something as “safe” as the stock market, which is a positive expectation roughly equivalent to [amount_inflation + amount_capitol_gains_tax], or 6-10 percent per year, on average, based on my best estimation.)

Now I know my dad only showed my blog to her because so much of it is insanely depressing and misery-ridden, and he was worried about my general well being and didn't know what to do—so while I appreciate the effort, I still think it was not a very smart thing to do.

So that kind of annoyed me for a few days, but after that I started to get a little sick. I also went to see a friend I haven't seen in a while, helped my mom out a little over the weekend while she was also sick, and went to a home poker game. In doing all that, I neglected to go see my dad, which further convinced him that I'm still upset and that I am avoiding him, and although I'm not and I wasn't, I feel bad that he thinks that.

I didn't play hardly any cash games other than the home game, but I've gotten really into Sit n Go's the past few weeks as just some different to do (variety is the spice of life, yada yada yada, blah blah blah), and I've made about $250 in the past few weeks just playing those. I've also staked a friend for a little bit just to keep money in action while I'm haven't playing as much cash, and made about a hundred off of that so far, and I made just over $200 at the home game I went to (with 0.10/0.25 cent blinds, it was about 85% of the money in play). So for not playing too much over the past few weeks, I've still managed to rack up a five hundred dollar profit, which is nice.

That home game is a lot of fun. It's got two decent players and many awful players, so it's a good combination of interesting hands and profit. It's also fun because all the guys there are really nice people, so it's a lot of fun to be there and relax with good people, especially since I'm such a hermit up here in Seattle and don't get out much. I didn't realize how much I won until the end, and I know I gave away at least $80 in bad play because I just didn't take it too seriously.

I'm thinking I might see, just for fun, if I can get every penny on the table next time. That would be interesting to try—one of the two decent players only plays “good” starting hands and therefore makes a lot of one pair hands and just gets himself into trouble because he never knows when he's good and when he's not. This leads him to consistently make big folds because he is terrified of making an atrocious call post flop. He will do this until he loses about 2/3 of his stack, and then he will wait until he has some kind of decent high cards, not necessarily great cards because by this point he is tilting a bit, and then just get all in preflop and hope for the best. The last two games he has been at (which do not include this last one), I have dealt the final blow; both times he went with queen-jack suited, both times I had aces, and both times he did not suck out.

The other decent player is the host of the game, and he plays much better post flop but still a bit scared—but only against me. He's a bit of a rock against me and I'm never going to get too much out of him. So if I really want to actually get all the money on the table, I'm going to have to do one or both of two things: make a few really big steals, and/or become a “chip reflector” while in pots with him and somebody else. That is, I would have to dump a little of my own dead money into the pot in order to insure the fishier players stay in and draw out. I could also probably just re-raise him and bully him constantly (poker-wise) and not allow him to make any money off the fish because I keep isolating and trapping him—but that would be less profitable than the first few choices, and that would also be very obvious and mean, and I like going to that game and want to be invited back. The first two choices (making big steals and being a chip reflector) also have the added benefit of not looking like I'm trying to rape the game. They just look like a) I caught some hands, and b) I'm in there gambling it up like I always do. Then I just play decent poker against the worse players and take the money. I might lose some equity trying to turn this into a winner-take-all sit n go rather than the cash game that it is, but it would just be such an interesting thing to try, and I have such a huge edge in that game anyway, that I think it's worth it, just for the fun and learning. It really is a great game with good people though, so I hope that nobody finds this blog and is offended by it, because I truly enjoy the company of these people. The guy I like the most is the biggest loser in the game, but he's always a little drunk, very friendly and interesting, and we split a pizza order last game. (He's also the cousin of a guy I didn't like very well in high school, and who was friends with another guy that I absolutely hated... but of course I'm never going to just randomly pipe up and say “dude your cousin was a douche bag”.) So sitting in position on him has the added benefit of being able to chat with him all game—although I might have to sacrifice that if I am going to go through my my experiment.

I'll have to think about where the optimal seat would be in order to do that. I think having the host be in position on the bad players, then my sitting in position on the host, and the other good player who went with QJs sitting in position on me, and the bad players between him and the host, would be the best arrangement for my experiment but I'm not 100% about that. The host also sits at the head of the table, so I would have to show up early to the next game to make sure I got the right seat. (He makes people scootch over between the table and the wall, so everybody can fit—so by the time I normally get there, I always have to sit to his right.)

I've also gotten fairly sick the past few days and have been sleeping in 3 and 4 hour spurts rather than getting a full night each day, so that has sucked. If I were born a few hundred years ago, I would have died by now I think. I get sick very often, and without Western medicine I would have no chance. An Immodium a day keeps the runs away!

Oh also, my coach friend Erik is an official coach for a well known site now, and he's listed on the coaching forum but he's getting himself all tied up about it and annoyed that he doesn't have like 20 people contacting him yet even though it's been less than a week. He keeps threatening to take it down, which annoys the balls off of me because he already put so much work into it and it can only bring good things to have it there—although he always counteracts that argument by saying the stress he gets from having it up and not having any contacts is greater than the possibility somebody will contact him and he will be able to help them, which is of course bullshit IMO. It just boggles me that he's so bothered by it. It's a good thing, and even if it doesn't pan out to anything it was still a good opportunity. And the effort required to keep it up is literally “stop being upset about it being up and forget it's there”. So I will be super pissed if he takes it down. It's like, dude why would you screw yourself like that for no good reason. He's a really good person and good coach though and I hope he does get some more students both for his sake and for theirs.

So that's the update on my end. My friends are still going through rough times, but things are looking up for both of them, so I can only hope that time and better fortune will heal all wounds.

-Max

trying to figure out what to do with my life... again

Last week (starting Tuesday) started off decently well—I was pumped to have started a race to get to 10K hands, but I very quickly burned out. After a few days and 3500 hands, I was not doing so hot. I played a little bit over the next few days, and then on Saturday I was doing well for a few hours, and then after about 600 hands, I shot down like 5 buy-ins within 200 hands. Ugh. You can see an 800 hand session in my stats below which has that mice little blip in it.

But the major thing about this was that it made me realize how quickly I have been losing my confidence the past few months and how easily upset I get. I never used to be bothered by downswings, and I was always able to overcome them. But the past few months have been bad but greatly compounded by my getting so upset and not being able to jump back into it.

So I took a few days off and tried to figure out why, and it's because I'm just scared to death. I'm banking on poker because I just have absolutely no other options. I'm both scared of failing (since poker is kind of the only option) and I hate having a life that I don't like and a life that makes me feel like a failure. I know from my records that the time I play best is when I am happy and confident in my game. I have to be sure I am going to know the right play in order to know what the right play is, basically. But lately, even when I go in pumped, it takes very very little to tilt me or upset me or otherwise incapacitate me (poker wise).

So I've been trying to figure out what to do with my life. I don't think that there's a way to “fix” my poker without “fixing” my life. And I'm banking on poker to fix my life, but it's so much tougher because I'm relying on it so much—so this circle obviously isn't going to work! I spent over a year looking for a job I didn't hate, and the only job I got was dealing, which I hated, and I only got that job because my dad lived next store to the owner of the card room. So I'm kind of inclined to think I can't do anything else besides poker, as tough as poker has been lately. This has made me consider the logistics of just taking what money I can scrounge up and just going back to Vegas like right now, and just jumping in and seeing if I make it, because I hate where I am with my life and I have no other choices. Even with my tilting and difficulties, I still average 1.9ptbb and if I played even a mere 20K hands a month of 1-2 NL online, with rakeback that would still be $2000-$2500, which is much more than I'd need to live on, and I'd play some live too, which is soooo soft.

But that just seems way too risky, especially since I don't know for sure that I'll “feel better” once I'm back down there, which means there's no guarantee I'll play even acceptable poker. And it would be a psychological final blow for me, to go back to Vegas and fail once again, so I don't want to go back unless I know for sure I can stay.

So I'm back to square one, scared to death to do any thing, and unable to continue where I am. Awesome. Oh, and two of my closest friends are going through about the shittiest time in their lives too. Double awesome.

Lopping off the C game

It's been a fairly decent week. Nothing too big to speak of. I think I've been playing extremely well although I found a few hands where I think I just butchered them. Still I think I have been playing about a 4-6 ptbb game and I think if I can continue to keep emotionally stable and increase the amount of time that I can play, and continue to work on my “A” game as well as my “C” game (or, as I refer to it, my “F” game) I could easily be an even bigger long term winner. I have been trying to work at “lopping off the C game” which just means that I am trying to get better at my bad poker and reduce the frequency of my bad poker.

Rather than trying to get my best poker game even better by learning more tricks and watching videos and reading books and on and on, I am trying to increase the amount of time I can play my best game, and I am also trying to make my poorer games less poor. I am in effect trying to reduce the gap between my good play and my bad play, so that my play is consistent.

If I can do that, and if I can play longer hours, then getting better is merely a problem of putting the effort in, since I think I am smart enough and good enough to be able to understand and properly apply most any concept or tool I find in videos and books.

Right now, playing good poker is a problem of always checking on my emotions and wondering if I am going to tilt, not playing too many hands because I burn out quickly, etc. I feel I am closing the gap between my best and my worst poker little by little, but it is very difficult. I have watched a few Stox Poker videos by Jared Tendler about this and I think he's got some decent advice. One piece I liked was about writing down all the aspects of my game, so I have started a list, but it is certainly not complete. The current list is at the end of this blog entry.

I also have been looking at my financial situation, and I have come up with a decent working plan for my future. I think I will stay in Seattle here until January or maybe February and if I keep putting in the hands and hours, I should have enough saved up where I can move back to Vegas and have enough money to play 200NL online. Then hopefully within a few months I can save up enough where I can also regularly play 2/5 live which is very juicy, and which is also more interesting and fun than online poker. I also want to stay in Seattle until early next year to find out if a contact at Boeing can end up getting me a job there which would pay about $50K.

If I get it, I can take that job and save up very very quickly and halt my getting-back-to-Vegas plan for a year or two, and if I don't, like I said, I hope to have enough to be able to make it on my own two feet by then. We'll see what happens. I am at least optimistic about my future, which I haven't been in a while, and it feels nice.

I forgot to make a screen cap this week, so I just have my stats and then my current list of aspects of my poker game which I mentioned earlier. I also have started a weekly 10K hands contest with my friend Edals, and although it's no 50K hands challenge, it's still enough to motivate us both to put in more hands, and it will also be good practice to see if I can put in 10K of actual GOOD play, as opposed to just getting the hands in no matter how shitty I am doing! He wanted a week by week challenge because he has some other things going on and is not sure if he can commit to it every week, but I definitely could use the motivation, so I pleaded with him to do the challenge and he kindly caved.

--My Poker Game-- (Incomplete list)

I. My Current A Game

--A. Having fun

--B. Able to focus without difficulty

--C. Can very easily tell what people have because I recognize their betting actions and I interpret stats without my own bias

--D. Use similar lines against them with different hands in order to make them think I have what they'd have in that situation.

--E. Very cognizant of my image and can sense the "timing" of a session so I know when people are likely to play back at me or let me run them over.

--F. Can make loose calls and tight folds when it's appropriate given the circumstances, and can recognize those circumstances without effort. I know the right play and I do it without worry; I do not attempt to justify one action over another based on what I want to be true rather than what is true.

--G. Red line stays about even, maybe slightly negative. I have very few, if any, big non-showdown losses.

--H. I frustrate my opponents

II. My Current B- Game

--A. I am not having fun.

--B. I sometimes go on autopilot. (My autopilot is a losing autopilot.)

--C. I play more than 5 tables

--D. I don't feel like I'm able to play but try to force it anyway because I have not put in enough A game hours.

--E. I try to justify some moves, which aren't too bad, but still are losers in the long run.

--F. I am consistently wrong about what people have because I am clouding my judgment with other things and projecting onto them.

--G. I try to play "solid poker" by having set preflop standards and set betting lines rather than just trying to focus on beating up the other players at the table. This "solid poker" is a very steady losing game I have.

--H. I am emotionally unstable and cannot focus and even when I try to focus, I am wrong.

--I. I get easily frustrated, and even when I calm down, I am still on soft tilt, often without realizing it.

--J. I don't think ahead in the hand as often, which leads to folding in later streets, which leads to much larger non-showdown losses (which in no way contribute to increasing my showdown wins).

--K. My B- game is one bet/call/raise away from my F game.

III. My Current F Game

--A. I am not having fun.

--B. In two words: I tilt. Even when I have not had a "bad beat" or have been run over, I let other frustrations of my life seep into my game, which causes me to play poorly, which causes me to either lose or get even more upset (because I'm playing poorly and know it) or more likely, both. I stop when I see this happening, but I don't always see it, and it happens frequently enough that it's prohibitive to any long term success to just quit when it happens.

--C. Sometimes during my F game, I view poker as a "who's got a bigger dick" contest instead of a game that I am amazing at (or rather, amazing at when I am at my best). I get frustrated at being run over and force a stand when it's clearly the wrong time to do so, rather than recognizing the situation and my image and my opponents adjusted range and snapping him off, or rather than simply changing tables or seats.

--D. I make calls or shoves (shoves that I know will be called) with hands that I know are going to lose.

--E. I can see all of these things happening but do not stop them.

IV. My Ideal Game

--A. (Haven't made a list yet.)

fun, decent week

Well it's been a decent getting-shit-together week, and I've played about 6K cash game hands, and am up about $150. I started a new database part way through and then also accidentally imported into the wrong database, so those hands are spread out over three databases, and I haven't re-imported everything yet so I don't have a picture of my stats this week, although they still look the same as always. I also played a whole bunch of sit and go tourneys, which I am up about $50 in, and which I think are a lot of fun and a good break from cash games. I think taking the time off from cash games was the right thing to do because when I got back into them again, I remembered just how good I am at this game!

It's been so difficult to play the past month, but this week I've gotten back into it, and whenever I've played I just owned everybody at the table. In my effort to play well, I've just forgotten how good at hand reading I am, and so this week, I just said screw how I play, I'm going to figure out what hands people have, and then just own (sorry, that should be spelled “pwn”) them with their own hands and my awesomeness, and that's basically what I did. And amazingly enough, my stats ended up fine, and of course I was playing “well”. In one exemplifying hand, I check-raised a guy twice, on the flop and turn, putting him in on the turn. He had a decent hand on the turn, but I still think he would have folded if I hadn't been picking on him during the sessions and if I hadn't made that kind of “fuck you” move of check-raising him twice.

http://www.pokerhand.org/?3261781

I did make a few screen recordings, but those were heads up matches between me and a friend and I don't think anybody else would find them particularly interesting because I didn't commentate too much.

My friend Erik came up with an idea for a small contest between us for us to at least play 50K hands during October, and I think that'd be good for me, and I'd like to do it, but after he thought of it, he realized he had a lot going on and now is not sure if he wants to go through with it. I'm hoping he does want to do it because I could use the motivation and I think it'd be good for both of us. I've learned a lot from him, and our HU matches are a lot of fun. Sometimes we get sick hands because we just know each other too well. Like in this hand, I told him he had to be value-betting light with a king or even AT or something, because he knew I'd shove any flush, trips, or two pair. He said he had hoped I thought it was a flush or nothing type of situation and look to bluff catch him, thus making his one pair of kings good when I called. I of course knew it was a light v-bet and not just pure air, but either way, I'm still throwing my hand away—but I think this hand is a good example of how we can 5^th level one another fairly easily. I don't normally just fire randomly with crap, but I do occasionally just so he knows it's a possibility.

http://www.pokerhand.org/?3261889

So ya I've been back on track, and watching more videos. I watched the entire [Vital]Myth video series on CardRunners, most of which was very good and useful, but on some hands, I really think he chose very VERY specific spots that were SO specific that most people watching might (probably will) mis-construe the spot and the nature of the specific read. For example, in one hand, he had TT and the final board was 944-A-8 with no flush, and the guy bet on the river. Rather than call and bluff-catch which is generally the standard line there, he shoved because he surmised (based on his read and the betting) that the guy could almost never have a monster, and that a decent amount of his range was weak aces, which he would fold to a shove. So rather than picking the guy off and winning say 60-70% of the time, he figured shoving would win him the pot nearly 100% of the time. The problem is that most people who THINK they are as good as this guy at hand reading are not that good, so the villain's range in a similar spot DOES include big hands, and also most people in most games that MOST CardRunners members play in ARE going to call with a weak ace in that situations. So using that particular hand to communicate the concept of “sometimes it's okay to turn a bluff-catcher into a bluff, in the right spot” was not a good idea in my opinion, although I can't think off the top of my head what a better hand to show such a rare situation like that would be. I just think that trying to mimic that hand is going to really screw a lot of people over. But I suppose that's okay as far as my winrate is concerned...

Also, I have almost finished Negreanu's book, and Caro's book, both of which are excellent, although I think Negreanu's book is only REALLY good for his own section. Paul Wasicka and David William's sections are decent but not spectacular, and most of the other sections are kind of insults to decent players because they are such basic advice that it makes me think they guy's writing them are trying to hide their own stuff—which I guess I couldn't blame them too much for. I also just have an extreme dislike for Todd Brunson because in every single poker show I've ever seen him on, he's always been rude, self-centered, and inconsiderate to both the dealers and other players. Mike Caro's book is of course top-notch but I think a lot of the advice you have to have already learned on your own before you realize just how good of advice it is, so I feel I got a lot more out of it, because I could judge which parts were true gold versus being merely revolutionary.

Caro and Angel Largay both understand how much of the live casino poker game is comprised of attitude and image and getting to know your opponents in order to get action that other good players would not get. If you don't appear to be having fun at the table, the guys who are there for fun won't give you action. I've even seen a regular at the MGM 2-5 game get super pissed and leave because the big fish at the table showed an overpair to the board and folded, whereas 35 minutes earlier he had called my all in with ace high (post flop).

That reg just didn't understand this; he didn't get that he looked like he was out to steal your money, which naturally makes people defensive, whereas I look like I'm there to have fun, and that's because I DO try to have fun and chat with the people at the table and try to understand why they are there and what their emotional reasons for playing poker are. When they've asked if I do this for a living or if I make money at the game, I am honest in my response “I sure as hell try!” but that response as implies a bit of camaraderie, and endears me to people more than a simple stern “yes” because it shows we're all in the game together.

I've also made a lot of friends and connections at the poker table by being friendly, and I don't just view bad players as fish. I mean, if I guy makes 200K a year and sits at a 2-5 game for fun just to learn about poker and gamble and drink and have fun, and you're some card shark schmuck barely scraping by, trying to take his money, who's the real fish here?? Honestly.

The poker table is comprised not of sharks and fish and players in between, but of people who are there to play for different reasons, and not understanding that costs a lot of decent players a lot of money that they could make if they were just a little kinder and more empathetic towards their customers.

Incidentally, being this way allows me to play a wider range of hands because I get the calls I need to make them profitable, so I get a looser image, which feeds into the “having fun” image. Whereas the “for the money” players can't play as loose because they won't get the calls they need to make it profitable which means they look tighter as well, which feeds into their “only play when I have the edge” image that most fish don't like to play against.

I also played in a home game, where I swear I played 50/25/2 in this 6-handed home game and still won $85 with blinds of 10/25 cents. Being friendly as stated above, and being able to tell exactly where the bad AND the good players were (because I am some kind of poker GOD) allowed me to get the calls and folds I wanted 90+ percent of the time. It was a lot of fun,a nd good to get outside and good to play some live poker for a change. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and also ran into somebody I went to high school with. And I found out that the friend he came with, whom I had played with previously and think is a great guy, is the cousin of a guy who I really detested in school.

So anyway, with that home game, and my not losing my ass online again, and rake back, I'm up just about $300 for the week, which isn't much certainly, but it's par for the course given the time I've put in, and it FEELS good to be back on track, which I think will help me from now on.

I'll stop blabbering, and have an update next week, as well as have fixed my databases. And hopefully I'll be able to say that I am in the middle of a 50K hands challenge....

obligatory weekly blog

Well as I said last post, the past few weeks have been rather difficult. My mom was particularly concerned about the fact that online poker is illegal in Washington state (a Class C Felony to be exact, on par with a sexual predator) so she was understandably bothered by my playing, which in turn bothered me because we are close, which made it very difficult for me to play, and I had a lot of trouble concentrating while I was playing. The fact that neither of us felt that I was acting immorally (by playing poker) combined with the fact that I use an encrypted proxy server to connect to Full Tilt (and thus neither my internet service provider, Full Tilt, or any 3^rd party spying on my computer can determine what I am doing on the internet, only that I am using the internet) did not make her feel better. It very much bothered me that although we had determined that 1) I was not acting immorally, 2) it was near impossible for me to be caught, and 3) nobody has been arrested let alone prosecuted, that she was still very upset with it. I just did not understand this, and quit frankly I still don't.

The law (the law in general, not the poker law) is set in place to provide a cohesive, safe, moral, and structured society, and gambling and poker are acceptable in that context in nearly every state, and online poker itself is legal in most states. So clearly playing poker is not generally considered grossly unethical. Having determined that, and having it not be unethical in my own conscience (which some legal activities are), in my mind the only further considerations are the likelihood of being caught and the consequences. Even with my blog up, I think the chance of somebody in law enforcement taking notice AND caring enough to step in is very remote. I would also be the first person in the state to be prosecuted, and I would have to be found guilty of “aggravated gambling” and get the maximum sentence in order to get any jail time. And that would be in the face of the fact that as a member of the Poker Player's Alliance, I would very likely be provided good legal support by them (assuming they haven't fallen under yet from lack of funding!).

Of course I can openly talk about all this now, because my mom in her worries, searched online and found out that there is a little-publicized amendment which states that online poker is okay as long as you are an individual playing in your home. In effect, the online poker ban exists to exert a (false) moral high ground and appeal to conservatives (in a very liberal state) without having any consequences. The UIGEA is much more of a consideration and hindrance to playing in Washington than the state law.

So anyway, on top of having my mom be very worried (needlessly, in my mind—but perhaps I'll understand when I have kids I'd freak out about them going to jail too) which greatly upset me, I have been feeling worse and worse about myself and my situation. I don't like that I am at home living with my parents, jobless, and without many prospects. It just feels shitty. And I continually thought that my parents were expecting more from me and that I was continually disappointing them, even though for the most part this was in my head (although I'm pretty sure my dad is bothered by my situation).

On top of feeling down all the time, the few times I did play I think I played poorly and I also just got run over with the deck! I haven't lost so many all ins in my life! Looking over my sessions I do think I was playing bad, but at least when I did get in (i.e. all the big pots) I was generally a monster favorite (2:1 or better, and the occasional flip), and I have lost the last 14 out of 17 (only some of which are included in the end stats, due to different databases), and tied one. (I'm actually running very well in the fact that I haven't gotten in behind, which should happen but has not been recently.) The most recent one, the tie, was getting in with A4 against AA on a 532 rainbow flop and having a lovely 4 river to chop and lose 1.50 in rake (it was blind vs. blind). I've also gotten out-set on the turn or river by an overpair after getting in a few times, and had an underset hit quads in the past few weeks. I won't post any more because I don't care about any body else's bad beat stories, and I don't expect you to care about mine! But the point is, that although I've had a lot of stress and played sub-par sometimes, I've looked over most of my sessions truly believe I have been having a really bad run of cards since I started, aside from that nice first shot at 0.50-1 that I posted about below in a previous blog. My all ins are just getting butchered by luck and getting all in and losing is a two buy in swing, so getting on the crap end of that cycle hurts. It's really damaging for my psyche to keep getting into spots where I expect to be hurt and have had so little positive reenforcement lately—but I'm trying to keep playing well.

Also, last week I was fortunate enough to get a computer virus, which I am not used to having since I take so many preventative measures (anti-virus, regular scans and updates, don't do stupid stuff, scan all files I get, etc.). I'm not sure where the original EXE came from, but I found it in my temp internet files folder, and I scanned it and it came out clean. I found out that what it did was it had a compiler within the program, and then it created and compiled viruses and then executed them. So there was actually no malicious code being executed by the program itself, which is why it passed the scan. Anyway, Norton came up and stopped most of the newly created malware, but not before they seriously damaged my system files. I have tracked down and gotten rid of all the malicious software, so I don't' think I'm going to get my passwords stolen or something like that, but the damage is basically irreversible unless I re-install windows, or possibly unless I reformat my hard disk. I cannot do a system restore even though the restore points exist (even in safe mode) and unless I am in safe mode, I cannot shut down properly. Any time I attempt to shut down or log off, the computer starts the shutdown process, and then it just restarts right then and there, about 5 seconds later. That's right, while it's trying to shut down, after a few moments, it goes black right in the middle of the process, and then the BIOS screen appears and it is booting up.

Formatting and re-installing Windows is such a pain that I haven't done it. I can still put my computer in hibernate, so the shut-down problem isn't a big enough deal that I want to spend a weekend to fix it. I also don't have my installation disk up here with me anyway.

Also, a friend of mine is going through a really difficult time and I'm kind of the only person he has to talk to, and I've been so stressed in other areas that I've been mean to him. He's got it much worse than I do, but I've just been feeling so weighted down so much that I just can't muster up and care for anybody else at the moment, and it's hurt him and also made me feel even worse. He knows I'm doing the best I can, but that doesn't really help him.

So anyway, it's been difficult for me to put in hands, because I have been upset, and when I have, I've been butchered, and I also think I am playing poorly. This week, I've felt better, and I have my parents' blessing to play, and I am feeling good about myself. I've already put in about 4K hands over the past few days, and I am really going to try to spend the next month grinding and trying to simulate what it would be like having to play for a living. But I am also going to be trying some new things, like entering more tournaments and playing on Stars instead of Tilt because a) I think I may have developed some bad habits that need a rest from being enforced by my normal six-max play, so I want to rest form that; and b) I think I may still be on some soft tilt from all the stress lately, so I want to try new things in order to attempt to regain focus on my play so I don't slip into autopilot while potentially tilting. I am also going to focus on head-stuff rather than strategy stuff, and attempt to pick apart my current game and see what my holes are rather than adding new strategy. I found a video series on Stox Poker about tilt control and programming your mind to play in the zone more often, which is interesting so far, and so I will focus on that as well as trying to play fewer tables and review every “standard” play I make and try to speak my thought process out loud for every single decision in order to make sure I am not committing too many bad habits. I may record many of my sessions, just so I am talking to myself out loud.

I've also moved some money over to Stars since I talked to a friend who talked about how great Stars is. Even playing break even poker, just mass-tabling and getting FPP's he thinks he'll probably clear $50K for the year playing 0.50-1 NL and breaking even at the poker. Screw rake back, those bonuses may more than make up for it! I have tried mass-tabling before and just can't do it, but he, and two other of my friends, have said that they can't play many tables of 6-max but can do just fine on the full ring tables. So I might see how I like full ring on Stars and see if I can pull a Ryan Daut (who did a video 20-tabling 1/2 full ring on Stars. Just rack up those FPPs. We'll see how I like Stars and how I like full ring. Stars (and full ring in general) are supposedly much softer than Tilt's 6-max so that might be a good change of pace and confidence builder to get me back on track.

I also made a video of myself playing, but I can't get the blur effect working and I'd still rather keep my Tilt screen name to msyelf for the time being, so I haven't uploaded it yet. Below is some of the past 3 weeks—I actually lost a little more but that's in another database and it's too much trouble to combine them. I had actually lost enough to be DOWN since I started this (remember the nice 1000 win I had below, ya now you see how bad it was!), but I was able to get a bit back, and am now up $300 since the beginning. That's disgusting considering how much time I've put in, but it's not the end of the world. I feel like I should be embarrassed, but I've looked over my hands, and I just lost so much in such high equity situations that I just can't beat myself up as much as I'd like to.

So ya, I'm just worn out mentally and emotionally from all directions. I've been doing well (in keeping going, not running well (obviously)) the past few days so hopefully I'll keep on track and have a normal update next week, as well as some video captures to see. As I said, I am going to try to put in a lot of hands and grind as much as possible, but I do think a lot about how it would be nice if I got a job offer at Boeing or some place—having such stability as well as so much more money than I could ever make at poker (for the next few years, anyway) would be very nice. So we'll see if a friend of my mom's comes through! I asked my mom not to bother me with that stuff because I just want to focus as much as I can on poker, and that's true, but I am still keeping up with the job search agent, and if I fall into something, that would certainly be fine by me. I'm not insanely optimistic about my life or poker or my future at the moment, but that could be largely stress related, so I'm just going to do the best I can to just keep on trucking because it's the only thing I can think of to do. And as much as being beaten to pulp by poker isn't the greatest joy one can experience, I do enjoy the game. It's just hard being beaten to death in life, and then coming to the table and being beaten to death there too.

Edit: Oh and also my TV broke.

Busy, bad past few weeks

It's been a really long frustrating past few weeks, and it's been difficult trying to get my shit together. I don't know what I'm going to do, but for now, as long as I can stall the other stuff, or unless I get one of these very good paying jobs I've been applying for, I'm going to go back to trying to put in my hands and work on my poker game. I'll try to have my standard updates ready for next week.

Running well finally, Yay!

Well I've been slacking this past week, but I've also been on a fantastic run, which is nice, after the fine kick in the butt the previous few weeks. I think I am still in a bit of a funk, for a number of reasons, and am having trouble pulling myself out of it. I have just been, and will likely continue to be, too lazy to get my butt exercising and also just get out of the house occasionally. I may just take the easy route and go get some anti-depressants from my doctor, which has been recommended, but I'm just not sure.

My parents are trying to be supportive but of course the past few weeks haven't been too fruitful, and my mom is also very bothered by some aspects of playing online, and there's really nothing I can do to make her feel any better. To quite a friend, “it is was it is.” It really bothers me how much it upsets my mom. But I guess that's just another tick on the list of reasons, I need to get back to Vegas as soon as I can. But that and some other things about life are still kind of nagging at me—but I guess I just need to keep on trucking and maybe also get my shit together! And also, a lot of people also seem think that I magically am doing nothing and have a lot of free time, when the reality is that I need to be at my computer putting the time in, even though I've been slacking this week (if 40 hours is slacking...). I don't know--just a lot of little things are getting to me, which shouldn't, especially when I know a lot of my friends have a lot more shit going on in their lives. Two friends in particular both have a lot of problems that I have no idea how to help them with, and I just don't know what to do.

Quick random aside, my friend Jon just made his first tee shirt on Cafe Press, so I encourage everybody to buy a shirt of his famous joke "What did one orange say to the other orange?.... Shut the fuck up Carl!!!" (It's funny because it doesn't address the fact that they are oranges.) Check out his store here.

This week's donation went to the Democrats again, because I'm seriously considering moving out of the country rather than to Vegas if the country doesn't realize how fucked up it is and elect Barack Obama.

Other than that, as I've said, I'm slacking in my duties and not done most of my weekly tasks that I so excitedly and prematurely laid out for myself (although I think I will be able to do them all if and when I do get my shit together...)—but I do think the hands I've been putting in have been quality hands. Aside from running like God, I think I did so well this week was that I didn't try to force myself to play too many tables, or to play when I wasn't able to concentrate. My friend and coach Erik thinks I ought to be able to play 8 tables and also put in 45K hands per month without much thought. He's so damned good and such a fast thinker that he can just crank out hands and reap the rewards, but once I pass 5 or 6 tables at a time, my returns don't just diminish, they turn break even at best, and very likely negative. Perhaps with work and working with him on my game (and point out some big gaping holes in my post flop strategy as per last session!), I will be able to play more tables, and grind out more hands, but that's just not happening yet, and I'm not going to force myself to put in hands or tables when I genuinely think that doing so would destroy my ability to play well. No situation is standard for me, I have to re-look at the stats, think about my image, come up with the decision, second guess it, and then make my final decision every damned time. And I don't get through that process (and I make poor decisions) when I have 8 tables up. (I will post a screen shot of my hud below, so you can see how many number I have for everybody). So for now, I'm going to stick to 4-6 tables.

Speaking of stats, I just have to say how happy I am I have a hud again, and also how well the PT3 update works. My hud (thing which overlays the stats onto the table) doesn't use too much processing power, and works like a charm! And I WHORE my hud. I use every available stat as much as I can. Cause if I have a statistical history on a guy, I might as well have his soul in my hand. Reading their hand ranges and actions is just soooooo much easier with the hud. (Of course, that doesn't mean I properly utilize this info every time, as Erik repeatedly pointed out to me!....) Even against good players, you can instantly spot gigantic edges with some stats. For example, I had one decent player who played at 22/18/3 and had a 3bet percentage of 11%, fold to 3bet of 82%, and squeeze percentage of 18. So when I raise 75s UTG (like I really shouldn't...), get called by a 40/10 on the button, and this guy is on my right in the big blind and 3bets me, I can make a 2.5x cheap 4bet and fold him sooooooo often. Or, as another example, I had a guy with standard TAG stats, except his fold to c-bet percent was 26, his turn aggression was 5, his turn aggression frequency was 72%, and his button VPIP was 44!!! This guy is calling in position and floating every flop against standard players and just taking pots down on the turn, so I just trap his ass, or I can 3bet bluff the turn, which is a high high percentage play too. Stats are just keys to the soul, and I looooove having my hud back. Obviously against fish and decent players with big leaks, you don't want to exploit their tendencies so much that they realize you are just raping them, but just keep on milking the cow. Against good players though, I do tend to do it a bit more because when they finally catch on, rather than adjusting, or maybe after the first adjustment, they just leave the table rather than fight, which leaves me with one less annoyance and more money. (Obviously I have to make a note on that so I don't try to exploit him later and he just comes over the top.)

So, without further ado, and since I didn't do any of my other weekly tasks (and hence have nothing more to talk about), here's a screen cap of my stats, followed by a picture of a Full Tilt table (normal with black background), followed by a Full Tilt table with my hud on it, so you can see what it looks like. Messy, but I like it...

Meh

Still on a bit of a bad run, certainly not the worst I've ever been on, but it's up there. Again, it's always hard to know, even with stat indicators, whether I am playing well, especially since I have started slow playing my top pairs more on the flop (due to so much c-betting and double barreling) and thus my flop aggression is down. I feel like I'm playing well, and I'm also more focused on what to do to make more money as opposed to just rote # of hands. I might play in some cap NL games more this week and I might play some different limits, I don't know for sure.

I have still been eating less, although I've been less concerned with it over the past week. I have not focused on a lot of my other goals and I still feel unambitious and lethargic. I have been told by a few people lately that I should either start exercising or at go get anti-depression pills from the doctor--just do something to get myself out of the funk, and I know that's good advice although I haven't taken it.

I watched a CardRunners video about exploiting loose late position steal-raisers who c-bet most flops HU but are otherwise straightforward and it was certainly useful but nothing too mind blowing. I have also had numerous friends contact me about getting me a good deal on a new comptuer once all my refunds get in, so I am somewhat excited about the prospect about a faster computer; however, the main reason for getting it is now fixed, so I might save that money for now.

That's right, Poker Tracker 3 finally works! It was not the new update, which is still not out. It was the realization by a friend that the source of the problems was too many panels, or stat groups, which I had in my HUD. When I combined that stats together into only 4 stat groups, the hud now covers all my tables without much lag and without crashing. I can now finally use PT3, and I am certainly happy about that.

Here's my stats from the past week. Rakeback and discipline have been my major saviors over the past few weeks. A little win is still a win, and being able to be up about $350 for the month even on a bad run makes things feel a little better.

I have been trying to tighten up the past few weeks too in order to get more disciplined and also to practice 8 tabling, but I think I'm ready to open back up a little, so I am going to try to LAG it up a little more this week and be more active at the table... we'll see what happens.

Also, I found out about a new computer video game coming out called Spore which looks very interesting and I encourage whoever the hell reads this thing to check out the demo of it recorded here at the 2005 Game Developer's Conference. It has been in developement for years as they worked more aand more on it and should be fascinating. The full video (from which the previously mentioned clip is taken) where the creator talks about the conception and development of the game and the conception of the algorithmic models is here.

-Max

Hell week, failure, and optimism...

Well this week was horrible both in terms of things that happened, and in my own failure complete my weekly tasks. Last Tuesday, I had the most horrid run of cards. Among other versions of it, I lost the vast majority of my all ins (the vast majority of which I was a favorite, by a vast amount). I put in 3K hands and just got beat down to a pulp! Wednesday, I feel I ran still below average (but better than Tusday!) but I just don't know if I played my best or not. It's hard to tell when you're on a bad run how much of it is cards and how much you unconsciously are doing different than you normally do.

So with my showdown winnings negative for 6K hands, and down more than I care to admit (but you will see in my PT stats), I went into Thursday. Being burned out, I was looking forward to getting my new motherboard and CPU in the mail to install in my computer. It would be a nice break from playing, as I was feeling burned out. So I go to put in the motherboard, after sticking the CPU and fan on it, and my chassis is too small. Off to Fry's to find the cheapest big chassis I can! Hour later, I am back, $40 lighter, and stick in the motherboard. So I unscrew everything else from my old chassis and strip it for parts and put everything in the new casing. And I plug it in and.... nothing.

Six hours later, in the middle of the night, after sextuple-checking to make sure everything was in the right place, I gave up for the night. Friday I took it in to a repair shop that said they'd be able to look at it before the day's end... and Saturday, right before they closed, I went in to pick up my computer with the information that the motherboard was faulty. So I dropped by Fry's again on the way home to get a new one of the same type, and get home to install it. Unplug and unscrew everything, gently and carefully replace the CPU and fan, reinstall everything, plug it in, turn it on, and.... nothing.

I lose a screw (in my head) at this point, and just give up for the night, pissed at the badness of the week, pissed at myself for wasting a large chunk of the week, and frustrated out of my mind that my computer isn't working. And I'm also pretty sure that the guy at the repair shop did not look at my computer with my than a cursory glance and just told me my motherboard was faulty in order to get me out of there, minus the fee...

Sunday, I took everything apart, boxed up all the motherboards and the CPU and the chassis, which are all in fine condition, and reassembled my old computer, which at this point was just a metal skeleton with a power supply on the table next to it. Sunday night, I plug in my old and rebuilt computer, turn it on, and... it works fine. So here I am, with the same computer as last week, having wasted four or five days of my life, $100 lighter in repair fees and gas and whatnot. And as soon as I get the refund from Amazon and Fry's for everything, I am going to use that money to buy a pre-assembled computer, and take the $100 or so hit that was the cost of the repair shop, gas, and extra screws and parts. The motherboard/CPU combo was supposed to be a cheaper fix than getting a new computer, but that just didn't work out. So for now, I will continue to play with laggy software that runs my CPU hot whenever I play poker, and without a HUD, since PT3's hud crashes every time I try to use it and needs more processing power than my computer can give it, being a 3.2GHz (single core) Pentium 4 processor. (Although PT3 CLAIMS that the newest beta update this week will fix that, although they've been saying that EVERY beta release....)

So not only was it a miserable and annoying week, I wasted a large chunk of it. I haven't made a video this week either, and I only watched one video... I feel bad about having such a bad start, but I am very optimistic. I am also going to cut down my weekly load a bit to something that I think I can do. I am not going to force myself to play when I don't feel I will play well but I will try to build up my stamina for playing. This is about making money, after all, and if I'm putting in -EV hands, then it's worth my while to play fewer hands, until I can learn to put in more hands profitably.

In other news, my donation for last week was a two-week's worth donation of $21 total, covering last week and this week. $7 went to the Poker Players Alliance, $7 to the Democrats to help elect Barack Obama, and $7 went to the Richard Dawkins Foundation for Reason and Science. I have been eating about half of what I normally eat, but I did not exercise. I truly hate all forms of exercising except hiking, and I thought I could push myself to do it, but I just do not feel motivated enough to do it—so I am thinking of signing up with a mountain-hiking group to go on weekly hikes to beautiful spots around the Seattle area like Mt. Rainer. That would do me some physical good, as well as give me a nice emotional bump every week, and I could see some very pretty scenery before it gets too cold to do anything, which it will in a few months. The Mathematics of Poker was a bit too much for me to concentrate on this week, and especially since the main theme of most of the chapters I've been reading is "unexpoitable play is acheived through a mathematical analysis of figuring out what betting frequency makes your opponent neutral about his options"... so I read a few chapters out of Mike Caro's excellent “Caro's Most Profitable Hold 'em Advice” and Daniel Negraneau's “Power Hold 'em Strategy”. I recommend both books—they each have very good advice and there's golden nuggets for all skill levels even if you are an expert.

So that's it for this week. Here's my horrendous PT3 picture of the week, but again, I'm optimistic. Even with a bad run, with my earlier win and rakeback, I'm still a few hundred up for the month. And considering I only planned to be able to make $500-$1000 per month playing 50NL, still being up a little for the month after 6K hands of NEGATIVE SHOWDOWN WINNINGS, I'm really not in too bad of shape.

I hope to have better news, and more updates next week....

-Max

First blog; attempt at a new life...

Ok, so here's the deal, as short as I can make it.
Graduated college, and played poker for a bit after college, but decided that I should try to get a real job because I felt that's what my parents would want and because I wasn't bankrolled quite enough. It seemed like the smart choice at the time. I've regretted it ever since
Couldn't find a job... couldn't find a job... money ran out... moved back in with parents.... still couldn't find a job.... finally found a job which was, of all things, dealing poker. Happy to get job but died a little inside, dealing as opposed to playing... less happy... died inside... lost some of my soul.... quit dealing job because I couldn't take it any more.
During this time, I kept playing online in my free time so I wouldn't go insane or do something stupid like--- well, you read the previous paragraph. I have discovered that over a very decent sample size (a little over 100K hands) I do pretty well online. So now, without a job, and with my parents support, which is very important to me (as they are great parents), and which I did not expect to get and am very happy to have, I decided to make a go of online poker. 6-max NLHE to be precise.
So here's the plan: I have about $6K at the moment and I would like to work it up to at least $10K by the end of the year. This will be more than plenty to move back to Vegas, move in, and have some living expenses for a month or more while still having at least $6K as a bankroll to play 100NL. (I'm currently playing 50NL but have played 100NL often). When I 8-table, I average about 500 hands per hour. If I play 6 hours per day, that's 3K hands a day. If I play at a winrate of 2.5ptbb/100 (I play at about 4, but I want to have a low estimate rather than a high one) and make an additional rake back of about 1 ptbb/100, that's 3.5ptbb/100, which equates at 100NL to $7 every 100 hands, which at 3K hands a day is $210. If I grind this 5 days out of seven each week, like a full time job (6 hours a day, five days a week), this works out to $4,000 per month. Of course, I might not be able to put in all the all hours if I burn out, and any number of other factors might come up, but given that I will be trying to play at least 60,000 hands per month, even with variance and other factors, I should easily be able to make more than enough to live on ($2K per month, about) and extra to add to my bankroll.
Currently, living with my folks and having zero to minimal expenses, I am hoping to be able to grind for a few months in order to save up from the 6K I have to at least 10K or so. My goal is to be back in Vegas the same day that the new President is sworn in. I figure the recovery and reclaiming of the country fits very nicely with the reclaiming of my life...
In order to do this, I have decided to make a routine for myself and set out very strict goals and guidelines, including an update to this blog every Tuesday. Each week I pledge to:
1. Play 15,000 hands online
2. Watch two videos from instructional sites such as CR.
3. Make at least 10 posts in low limit strategy forums.
4. Record a video of one of my sessions and upload it for download in my blog here.
5. Show my last week's stats from Poker Tracker.
6. Exercise for at least one hour or until 1500 calories are burned (whichever takes LONGER) 4 days out of the week.
7. Be mindful of what I eat and try to eat less that 1500 calories per day
8. Be honest in my blog, and update it weekly.
9. Also, finish one poker book per month. 4 weeks from this date, I must finish my current and very difficult book, The Mathematics of Poker. Also, give thoughts on the book in my blog.
10. When I am back in Vegas, I pledge to attend, contribute to, help out with, and do everything I can for the NLDG and WPDG groups.
11. Follow a guide of my own choice to be a more social, friendly, and outgoing person. This week, since I am just getting going, I am making a quick and simple one. I will say hello to at least two people whom I have never met and ask how their day is going. Also, I will come up with something more before next week's blog.
12. Donate at least $10 to a good cause (this number will increase as I have more money).
You may notice that many of these things do not directly relate to poker, but I have discovered that being a healthy person in body and spirit DRASTICALLY improve my poker.
My goals, by time frame:
By the end of Bush's presidency: be back in Vegas, have 10K in total living expenses and bankroll, have kept up with the above weekly outline, and attend NLDG and WPDG meetings each week.
By my 25th birthday (June '09): Be rolled for (6,000 blinds) and be able to beat 200NL, and keep up with weekly and monthly goals.
26th b-day: rolled for 400NL and be able to beat it, and keep up with weekly/monthly goals.
27th b-day: weigh less than 180lbs and keep it that way, and keep up with weekly/monthly goals.
Further projections and goals haven't been determined, but the goal of them all is to 1) be self-sustaining, 2) be happy, 3) make the people I care about happy, and 4) improve the quality of life on the planet in general. Based on my life experience thus far, poker is the most direct route to accomplish these 4 things.
Although, I am just starting, I will still post a video and some statistics, since that is the routine I am starting. The video is the only one I have, which is a few years old, and of me playing 50NL heads up against a former member of the NLDG, Jeff Larson. The stats are my play since the 1st of the month. I have only put in about 9K hands, only played a few tables at time instead of my goal of 6-8, and I have been playing very poorly I think.... but I am optimistic, especially since I am getting back into weekly coaching with my friend and mentor, in life and in poker, Edals. He is the best poker player I have ever seen in my life. I would seriously put my money on him to play anybody in the world, including world class pros. And the stupid son of a bitch is helping me get better!!!
Stats:


Video Link:
https://mega.co.nz/#!4IJH2ALY!bMtLmSholuInmSZHPNNAjW_lH203O96WN-NpTRRtOP0

Updates next Tuesday....

-Max