fun, decent week

Well it's been a decent getting-shit-together week, and I've played about 6K cash game hands, and am up about $150. I started a new database part way through and then also accidentally imported into the wrong database, so those hands are spread out over three databases, and I haven't re-imported everything yet so I don't have a picture of my stats this week, although they still look the same as always. I also played a whole bunch of sit and go tourneys, which I am up about $50 in, and which I think are a lot of fun and a good break from cash games. I think taking the time off from cash games was the right thing to do because when I got back into them again, I remembered just how good I am at this game!

It's been so difficult to play the past month, but this week I've gotten back into it, and whenever I've played I just owned everybody at the table. In my effort to play well, I've just forgotten how good at hand reading I am, and so this week, I just said screw how I play, I'm going to figure out what hands people have, and then just own (sorry, that should be spelled “pwn”) them with their own hands and my awesomeness, and that's basically what I did. And amazingly enough, my stats ended up fine, and of course I was playing “well”. In one exemplifying hand, I check-raised a guy twice, on the flop and turn, putting him in on the turn. He had a decent hand on the turn, but I still think he would have folded if I hadn't been picking on him during the sessions and if I hadn't made that kind of “fuck you” move of check-raising him twice.

http://www.pokerhand.org/?3261781

I did make a few screen recordings, but those were heads up matches between me and a friend and I don't think anybody else would find them particularly interesting because I didn't commentate too much.

My friend Erik came up with an idea for a small contest between us for us to at least play 50K hands during October, and I think that'd be good for me, and I'd like to do it, but after he thought of it, he realized he had a lot going on and now is not sure if he wants to go through with it. I'm hoping he does want to do it because I could use the motivation and I think it'd be good for both of us. I've learned a lot from him, and our HU matches are a lot of fun. Sometimes we get sick hands because we just know each other too well. Like in this hand, I told him he had to be value-betting light with a king or even AT or something, because he knew I'd shove any flush, trips, or two pair. He said he had hoped I thought it was a flush or nothing type of situation and look to bluff catch him, thus making his one pair of kings good when I called. I of course knew it was a light v-bet and not just pure air, but either way, I'm still throwing my hand away—but I think this hand is a good example of how we can 5^th level one another fairly easily. I don't normally just fire randomly with crap, but I do occasionally just so he knows it's a possibility.

http://www.pokerhand.org/?3261889

So ya I've been back on track, and watching more videos. I watched the entire [Vital]Myth video series on CardRunners, most of which was very good and useful, but on some hands, I really think he chose very VERY specific spots that were SO specific that most people watching might (probably will) mis-construe the spot and the nature of the specific read. For example, in one hand, he had TT and the final board was 944-A-8 with no flush, and the guy bet on the river. Rather than call and bluff-catch which is generally the standard line there, he shoved because he surmised (based on his read and the betting) that the guy could almost never have a monster, and that a decent amount of his range was weak aces, which he would fold to a shove. So rather than picking the guy off and winning say 60-70% of the time, he figured shoving would win him the pot nearly 100% of the time. The problem is that most people who THINK they are as good as this guy at hand reading are not that good, so the villain's range in a similar spot DOES include big hands, and also most people in most games that MOST CardRunners members play in ARE going to call with a weak ace in that situations. So using that particular hand to communicate the concept of “sometimes it's okay to turn a bluff-catcher into a bluff, in the right spot” was not a good idea in my opinion, although I can't think off the top of my head what a better hand to show such a rare situation like that would be. I just think that trying to mimic that hand is going to really screw a lot of people over. But I suppose that's okay as far as my winrate is concerned...

Also, I have almost finished Negreanu's book, and Caro's book, both of which are excellent, although I think Negreanu's book is only REALLY good for his own section. Paul Wasicka and David William's sections are decent but not spectacular, and most of the other sections are kind of insults to decent players because they are such basic advice that it makes me think they guy's writing them are trying to hide their own stuff—which I guess I couldn't blame them too much for. I also just have an extreme dislike for Todd Brunson because in every single poker show I've ever seen him on, he's always been rude, self-centered, and inconsiderate to both the dealers and other players. Mike Caro's book is of course top-notch but I think a lot of the advice you have to have already learned on your own before you realize just how good of advice it is, so I feel I got a lot more out of it, because I could judge which parts were true gold versus being merely revolutionary.

Caro and Angel Largay both understand how much of the live casino poker game is comprised of attitude and image and getting to know your opponents in order to get action that other good players would not get. If you don't appear to be having fun at the table, the guys who are there for fun won't give you action. I've even seen a regular at the MGM 2-5 game get super pissed and leave because the big fish at the table showed an overpair to the board and folded, whereas 35 minutes earlier he had called my all in with ace high (post flop).

That reg just didn't understand this; he didn't get that he looked like he was out to steal your money, which naturally makes people defensive, whereas I look like I'm there to have fun, and that's because I DO try to have fun and chat with the people at the table and try to understand why they are there and what their emotional reasons for playing poker are. When they've asked if I do this for a living or if I make money at the game, I am honest in my response “I sure as hell try!” but that response as implies a bit of camaraderie, and endears me to people more than a simple stern “yes” because it shows we're all in the game together.

I've also made a lot of friends and connections at the poker table by being friendly, and I don't just view bad players as fish. I mean, if I guy makes 200K a year and sits at a 2-5 game for fun just to learn about poker and gamble and drink and have fun, and you're some card shark schmuck barely scraping by, trying to take his money, who's the real fish here?? Honestly.

The poker table is comprised not of sharks and fish and players in between, but of people who are there to play for different reasons, and not understanding that costs a lot of decent players a lot of money that they could make if they were just a little kinder and more empathetic towards their customers.

Incidentally, being this way allows me to play a wider range of hands because I get the calls I need to make them profitable, so I get a looser image, which feeds into the “having fun” image. Whereas the “for the money” players can't play as loose because they won't get the calls they need to make it profitable which means they look tighter as well, which feeds into their “only play when I have the edge” image that most fish don't like to play against.

I also played in a home game, where I swear I played 50/25/2 in this 6-handed home game and still won $85 with blinds of 10/25 cents. Being friendly as stated above, and being able to tell exactly where the bad AND the good players were (because I am some kind of poker GOD) allowed me to get the calls and folds I wanted 90+ percent of the time. It was a lot of fun,a nd good to get outside and good to play some live poker for a change. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and also ran into somebody I went to high school with. And I found out that the friend he came with, whom I had played with previously and think is a great guy, is the cousin of a guy who I really detested in school.

So anyway, with that home game, and my not losing my ass online again, and rake back, I'm up just about $300 for the week, which isn't much certainly, but it's par for the course given the time I've put in, and it FEELS good to be back on track, which I think will help me from now on.

I'll stop blabbering, and have an update next week, as well as have fixed my databases. And hopefully I'll be able to say that I am in the middle of a 50K hands challenge....

obligatory weekly blog

Well as I said last post, the past few weeks have been rather difficult. My mom was particularly concerned about the fact that online poker is illegal in Washington state (a Class C Felony to be exact, on par with a sexual predator) so she was understandably bothered by my playing, which in turn bothered me because we are close, which made it very difficult for me to play, and I had a lot of trouble concentrating while I was playing. The fact that neither of us felt that I was acting immorally (by playing poker) combined with the fact that I use an encrypted proxy server to connect to Full Tilt (and thus neither my internet service provider, Full Tilt, or any 3^rd party spying on my computer can determine what I am doing on the internet, only that I am using the internet) did not make her feel better. It very much bothered me that although we had determined that 1) I was not acting immorally, 2) it was near impossible for me to be caught, and 3) nobody has been arrested let alone prosecuted, that she was still very upset with it. I just did not understand this, and quit frankly I still don't.

The law (the law in general, not the poker law) is set in place to provide a cohesive, safe, moral, and structured society, and gambling and poker are acceptable in that context in nearly every state, and online poker itself is legal in most states. So clearly playing poker is not generally considered grossly unethical. Having determined that, and having it not be unethical in my own conscience (which some legal activities are), in my mind the only further considerations are the likelihood of being caught and the consequences. Even with my blog up, I think the chance of somebody in law enforcement taking notice AND caring enough to step in is very remote. I would also be the first person in the state to be prosecuted, and I would have to be found guilty of “aggravated gambling” and get the maximum sentence in order to get any jail time. And that would be in the face of the fact that as a member of the Poker Player's Alliance, I would very likely be provided good legal support by them (assuming they haven't fallen under yet from lack of funding!).

Of course I can openly talk about all this now, because my mom in her worries, searched online and found out that there is a little-publicized amendment which states that online poker is okay as long as you are an individual playing in your home. In effect, the online poker ban exists to exert a (false) moral high ground and appeal to conservatives (in a very liberal state) without having any consequences. The UIGEA is much more of a consideration and hindrance to playing in Washington than the state law.

So anyway, on top of having my mom be very worried (needlessly, in my mind—but perhaps I'll understand when I have kids I'd freak out about them going to jail too) which greatly upset me, I have been feeling worse and worse about myself and my situation. I don't like that I am at home living with my parents, jobless, and without many prospects. It just feels shitty. And I continually thought that my parents were expecting more from me and that I was continually disappointing them, even though for the most part this was in my head (although I'm pretty sure my dad is bothered by my situation).

On top of feeling down all the time, the few times I did play I think I played poorly and I also just got run over with the deck! I haven't lost so many all ins in my life! Looking over my sessions I do think I was playing bad, but at least when I did get in (i.e. all the big pots) I was generally a monster favorite (2:1 or better, and the occasional flip), and I have lost the last 14 out of 17 (only some of which are included in the end stats, due to different databases), and tied one. (I'm actually running very well in the fact that I haven't gotten in behind, which should happen but has not been recently.) The most recent one, the tie, was getting in with A4 against AA on a 532 rainbow flop and having a lovely 4 river to chop and lose 1.50 in rake (it was blind vs. blind). I've also gotten out-set on the turn or river by an overpair after getting in a few times, and had an underset hit quads in the past few weeks. I won't post any more because I don't care about any body else's bad beat stories, and I don't expect you to care about mine! But the point is, that although I've had a lot of stress and played sub-par sometimes, I've looked over most of my sessions truly believe I have been having a really bad run of cards since I started, aside from that nice first shot at 0.50-1 that I posted about below in a previous blog. My all ins are just getting butchered by luck and getting all in and losing is a two buy in swing, so getting on the crap end of that cycle hurts. It's really damaging for my psyche to keep getting into spots where I expect to be hurt and have had so little positive reenforcement lately—but I'm trying to keep playing well.

Also, last week I was fortunate enough to get a computer virus, which I am not used to having since I take so many preventative measures (anti-virus, regular scans and updates, don't do stupid stuff, scan all files I get, etc.). I'm not sure where the original EXE came from, but I found it in my temp internet files folder, and I scanned it and it came out clean. I found out that what it did was it had a compiler within the program, and then it created and compiled viruses and then executed them. So there was actually no malicious code being executed by the program itself, which is why it passed the scan. Anyway, Norton came up and stopped most of the newly created malware, but not before they seriously damaged my system files. I have tracked down and gotten rid of all the malicious software, so I don't' think I'm going to get my passwords stolen or something like that, but the damage is basically irreversible unless I re-install windows, or possibly unless I reformat my hard disk. I cannot do a system restore even though the restore points exist (even in safe mode) and unless I am in safe mode, I cannot shut down properly. Any time I attempt to shut down or log off, the computer starts the shutdown process, and then it just restarts right then and there, about 5 seconds later. That's right, while it's trying to shut down, after a few moments, it goes black right in the middle of the process, and then the BIOS screen appears and it is booting up.

Formatting and re-installing Windows is such a pain that I haven't done it. I can still put my computer in hibernate, so the shut-down problem isn't a big enough deal that I want to spend a weekend to fix it. I also don't have my installation disk up here with me anyway.

Also, a friend of mine is going through a really difficult time and I'm kind of the only person he has to talk to, and I've been so stressed in other areas that I've been mean to him. He's got it much worse than I do, but I've just been feeling so weighted down so much that I just can't muster up and care for anybody else at the moment, and it's hurt him and also made me feel even worse. He knows I'm doing the best I can, but that doesn't really help him.

So anyway, it's been difficult for me to put in hands, because I have been upset, and when I have, I've been butchered, and I also think I am playing poorly. This week, I've felt better, and I have my parents' blessing to play, and I am feeling good about myself. I've already put in about 4K hands over the past few days, and I am really going to try to spend the next month grinding and trying to simulate what it would be like having to play for a living. But I am also going to be trying some new things, like entering more tournaments and playing on Stars instead of Tilt because a) I think I may have developed some bad habits that need a rest from being enforced by my normal six-max play, so I want to rest form that; and b) I think I may still be on some soft tilt from all the stress lately, so I want to try new things in order to attempt to regain focus on my play so I don't slip into autopilot while potentially tilting. I am also going to focus on head-stuff rather than strategy stuff, and attempt to pick apart my current game and see what my holes are rather than adding new strategy. I found a video series on Stox Poker about tilt control and programming your mind to play in the zone more often, which is interesting so far, and so I will focus on that as well as trying to play fewer tables and review every “standard” play I make and try to speak my thought process out loud for every single decision in order to make sure I am not committing too many bad habits. I may record many of my sessions, just so I am talking to myself out loud.

I've also moved some money over to Stars since I talked to a friend who talked about how great Stars is. Even playing break even poker, just mass-tabling and getting FPP's he thinks he'll probably clear $50K for the year playing 0.50-1 NL and breaking even at the poker. Screw rake back, those bonuses may more than make up for it! I have tried mass-tabling before and just can't do it, but he, and two other of my friends, have said that they can't play many tables of 6-max but can do just fine on the full ring tables. So I might see how I like full ring on Stars and see if I can pull a Ryan Daut (who did a video 20-tabling 1/2 full ring on Stars. Just rack up those FPPs. We'll see how I like Stars and how I like full ring. Stars (and full ring in general) are supposedly much softer than Tilt's 6-max so that might be a good change of pace and confidence builder to get me back on track.

I also made a video of myself playing, but I can't get the blur effect working and I'd still rather keep my Tilt screen name to msyelf for the time being, so I haven't uploaded it yet. Below is some of the past 3 weeks—I actually lost a little more but that's in another database and it's too much trouble to combine them. I had actually lost enough to be DOWN since I started this (remember the nice 1000 win I had below, ya now you see how bad it was!), but I was able to get a bit back, and am now up $300 since the beginning. That's disgusting considering how much time I've put in, but it's not the end of the world. I feel like I should be embarrassed, but I've looked over my hands, and I just lost so much in such high equity situations that I just can't beat myself up as much as I'd like to.

So ya, I'm just worn out mentally and emotionally from all directions. I've been doing well (in keeping going, not running well (obviously)) the past few days so hopefully I'll keep on track and have a normal update next week, as well as some video captures to see. As I said, I am going to try to put in a lot of hands and grind as much as possible, but I do think a lot about how it would be nice if I got a job offer at Boeing or some place—having such stability as well as so much more money than I could ever make at poker (for the next few years, anyway) would be very nice. So we'll see if a friend of my mom's comes through! I asked my mom not to bother me with that stuff because I just want to focus as much as I can on poker, and that's true, but I am still keeping up with the job search agent, and if I fall into something, that would certainly be fine by me. I'm not insanely optimistic about my life or poker or my future at the moment, but that could be largely stress related, so I'm just going to do the best I can to just keep on trucking because it's the only thing I can think of to do. And as much as being beaten to pulp by poker isn't the greatest joy one can experience, I do enjoy the game. It's just hard being beaten to death in life, and then coming to the table and being beaten to death there too.

Edit: Oh and also my TV broke.

Busy, bad past few weeks

It's been a really long frustrating past few weeks, and it's been difficult trying to get my shit together. I don't know what I'm going to do, but for now, as long as I can stall the other stuff, or unless I get one of these very good paying jobs I've been applying for, I'm going to go back to trying to put in my hands and work on my poker game. I'll try to have my standard updates ready for next week.

Running well finally, Yay!

Well I've been slacking this past week, but I've also been on a fantastic run, which is nice, after the fine kick in the butt the previous few weeks. I think I am still in a bit of a funk, for a number of reasons, and am having trouble pulling myself out of it. I have just been, and will likely continue to be, too lazy to get my butt exercising and also just get out of the house occasionally. I may just take the easy route and go get some anti-depressants from my doctor, which has been recommended, but I'm just not sure.

My parents are trying to be supportive but of course the past few weeks haven't been too fruitful, and my mom is also very bothered by some aspects of playing online, and there's really nothing I can do to make her feel any better. To quite a friend, “it is was it is.” It really bothers me how much it upsets my mom. But I guess that's just another tick on the list of reasons, I need to get back to Vegas as soon as I can. But that and some other things about life are still kind of nagging at me—but I guess I just need to keep on trucking and maybe also get my shit together! And also, a lot of people also seem think that I magically am doing nothing and have a lot of free time, when the reality is that I need to be at my computer putting the time in, even though I've been slacking this week (if 40 hours is slacking...). I don't know--just a lot of little things are getting to me, which shouldn't, especially when I know a lot of my friends have a lot more shit going on in their lives. Two friends in particular both have a lot of problems that I have no idea how to help them with, and I just don't know what to do.

Quick random aside, my friend Jon just made his first tee shirt on Cafe Press, so I encourage everybody to buy a shirt of his famous joke "What did one orange say to the other orange?.... Shut the fuck up Carl!!!" (It's funny because it doesn't address the fact that they are oranges.) Check out his store here.

This week's donation went to the Democrats again, because I'm seriously considering moving out of the country rather than to Vegas if the country doesn't realize how fucked up it is and elect Barack Obama.

Other than that, as I've said, I'm slacking in my duties and not done most of my weekly tasks that I so excitedly and prematurely laid out for myself (although I think I will be able to do them all if and when I do get my shit together...)—but I do think the hands I've been putting in have been quality hands. Aside from running like God, I think I did so well this week was that I didn't try to force myself to play too many tables, or to play when I wasn't able to concentrate. My friend and coach Erik thinks I ought to be able to play 8 tables and also put in 45K hands per month without much thought. He's so damned good and such a fast thinker that he can just crank out hands and reap the rewards, but once I pass 5 or 6 tables at a time, my returns don't just diminish, they turn break even at best, and very likely negative. Perhaps with work and working with him on my game (and point out some big gaping holes in my post flop strategy as per last session!), I will be able to play more tables, and grind out more hands, but that's just not happening yet, and I'm not going to force myself to put in hands or tables when I genuinely think that doing so would destroy my ability to play well. No situation is standard for me, I have to re-look at the stats, think about my image, come up with the decision, second guess it, and then make my final decision every damned time. And I don't get through that process (and I make poor decisions) when I have 8 tables up. (I will post a screen shot of my hud below, so you can see how many number I have for everybody). So for now, I'm going to stick to 4-6 tables.

Speaking of stats, I just have to say how happy I am I have a hud again, and also how well the PT3 update works. My hud (thing which overlays the stats onto the table) doesn't use too much processing power, and works like a charm! And I WHORE my hud. I use every available stat as much as I can. Cause if I have a statistical history on a guy, I might as well have his soul in my hand. Reading their hand ranges and actions is just soooooo much easier with the hud. (Of course, that doesn't mean I properly utilize this info every time, as Erik repeatedly pointed out to me!....) Even against good players, you can instantly spot gigantic edges with some stats. For example, I had one decent player who played at 22/18/3 and had a 3bet percentage of 11%, fold to 3bet of 82%, and squeeze percentage of 18. So when I raise 75s UTG (like I really shouldn't...), get called by a 40/10 on the button, and this guy is on my right in the big blind and 3bets me, I can make a 2.5x cheap 4bet and fold him sooooooo often. Or, as another example, I had a guy with standard TAG stats, except his fold to c-bet percent was 26, his turn aggression was 5, his turn aggression frequency was 72%, and his button VPIP was 44!!! This guy is calling in position and floating every flop against standard players and just taking pots down on the turn, so I just trap his ass, or I can 3bet bluff the turn, which is a high high percentage play too. Stats are just keys to the soul, and I looooove having my hud back. Obviously against fish and decent players with big leaks, you don't want to exploit their tendencies so much that they realize you are just raping them, but just keep on milking the cow. Against good players though, I do tend to do it a bit more because when they finally catch on, rather than adjusting, or maybe after the first adjustment, they just leave the table rather than fight, which leaves me with one less annoyance and more money. (Obviously I have to make a note on that so I don't try to exploit him later and he just comes over the top.)

So, without further ado, and since I didn't do any of my other weekly tasks (and hence have nothing more to talk about), here's a screen cap of my stats, followed by a picture of a Full Tilt table (normal with black background), followed by a Full Tilt table with my hud on it, so you can see what it looks like. Messy, but I like it...