Wednesday, October 7, 2009

I'm not suicidal, I'm just venting.

I'm tired. God I'm tired. I'm tired of poker. I'm tired of my life. I'm tired of having to play 10 tables of a goddamned card game 10 hours a day, 7 days a week so I can afford to eat. I hate that I have not been able to save up anything and am stuck here. I hate that I'm even more fucked if I don't keep playing every hour of every goddamned day. I hate that it's STILL better than the shit-paying soul-sucking job that I had to beg my dad to beg our asshole neighbor to give me. I don't want this to be my life, and I hate that I'm grateful for it because it's still better than anything else I can find. I want a break. God how I want to rest. I want a day where I am not fucking terrified of my future and where I don't have to be planted in front of my computer until my eyes fucking bleed. There just doesn't seem to be any relief or way to escape.

I am so tired...


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