JUDGEMENT

I got into an argument with a friend of mine recently, and he said something that many of my friends, and many people in general, say often: "Stop being so judgmental."

I'm sorry? Could you repeat that!? Because it sounds an awful lot like you just said that you feel I am incapable of distinguishing right from wrong. That is what that statement means, is it not?

In fact, usually when people say this, they do not actually mean it as an attack on my abilities, usually they say it as a mental defense to shift attention away from what they are doing--that is, they know what they are doing is wrong, but they want to be able to continue doing it, so they justify it by simply not thinking about the consequences and sending their attention elsewhere.

It is true that there are many many gray areas in the plane of ethics and morality, and a plethora of situations which are clearly right sometimes and clearly wrong other times. It is also true that I have often made judgments which turned out to be wrong in the light of new information. But there are also black and white areas, and many grey areas that are almost black or white, and as any good poker player will tell you, you have to work with the information you have.

The old biblical axiom "Judge not, lest ye be judged" is in error--society does, and rightfully so, uses the correct axiom "Judge, and be prepared to be judged."

I have done, and I'm sure will continue to do, many bad things. But there are very few reasons why I do them:

1. I thought it was right but I was in error, which is usually an outcome from a mistake of the following reason.
2. I thought the special circumstances in my situation allowed for the action to be justified. For example, my stealing food would be wrong but a beggar on the brink of starvation would be morally justified in stealing it. So "stealing food" could go either way on the right/wrong scale, even though usually it leans towards the "wrong" end.
3. The action is wrong and I know it is wrong, but it benefits me personally to such a high extent that I toss my morals out the window and do my best to live with myself.

Universally, when I am told to stop being judgmental, it is in the face of somebody using Door Number Three. But rather than own up to the obvious, they instead tell me I am morally inferior for daring to make an assessment of the ethics of the situation.

Well I'm sorry. As much as I've made some mistakes in my judgments, and as much as I've even lost friends due to my judgments (because they turned out not to be people I wanted to continue to associate with), I have yet to see a reason why judging is wrong. Most people consider rape and murder wrong, but here's a secret: There are other things that are not nearly as damaging which are still wrong!

As my friends I would hope that you'll tell me when I am doing wrong. Actions and intentions have consequences, and I would hope you would trust and respect me enough to know that I want to be told when I am doing things that are harmful to the world. When I am choosing Door Number Three, or I am mistaken in thinking that I am in Door Number Two, I need a friend to snap me back into place and help me be the better person I want to be. You are my friends, help me!

And I will return the favor.


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